... if it's the last thing we eeever do
I'd like to ring in my 200th entry not with samples of favourite bloggy moments over the years, or photos of me doing stupid things, but with a plea:
Somebody save me from tBlog.
It's not too bad a site, just that, as I've been saying on comments of late: there's something very Hungarian backpackers about the whole place. It's full of opinionated American weirdos, it looks like it doesn't accept any credit card you've ever heard of, the admin guy is called 'Rocky' and there's the smell of stolen underwear about the place. It's been good to me throughout the years, but as far as connecting with other blogfolks go, I feel like I'm stick in the common room, eating salami, drinking schnapps and listening to a skinny American frat-boy trying to convince some greasy-haired mädchen with big boots that Pentecostal League gridiron is the highlight of everyone's life when I could actually be out in a bar somewhere, interacting with normal people.
So, I'm throwing down a challenge, and it's not as easy as 327 made it sound because there is a catch. Help me migrate to a decent, popular blog platform. 327 was on the right track with his two step "Open Blogger Account, Place Link on tBlog" idea, but the catch is that I want to take my archives with me. I want them to be safe. I don't want three years of links, pictures and run-on sentences (because as of Monday, my blog turned 3!) disappearing in the night when Rocky decides to harvest everybody's passports, consumer goods and underwear to start up a camping ground in Serbia. I'm not implying that he will, he's been very sedate and most-reliable these past years, but I just want to have a blog that means that I can actually register on the Adelaide Index and not have to keep typing in "other" when I leave comments.
Make this happen and receive one (1) bottle of wine.
Hey, I told you it was a dodgy hostel.
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I've never done one of these before, but Audrey just tagged me to do a meme that, as far as I can tell, is ten petty things I hate about people. I believe the standard way to begin this meme is with the statement: I'm not really a hateful person in fact I'm quite tolerant but who wouldn't be pissed off at the things I'm just about to name?
With that out of the way, I believe I can commence slagging:
1. People who commit driving offences
Not you learner drivers who don't know any better, or you morons who run red lights and speed up and down suburban streets (although the latter are undoubtedly cockheads). It's you boofheads who pull up in the left hand lane at traffic lights to speed ahead of the pack and block the left-turners, the non-indicators of Adelaide, the tailgaters and the 55km/h drivers. Anyone who buys a 4WD without a lot of loose earth to negotiate. And most of all, those turds who pull out in front of my little Honda when there's at least 9 kilometres of open road behind me. Just coz it's small, doesn't mean I won't cause some serious damage to your trailer bar! One side motherfuckers!
2. Bad spelling
I’m getting petty and it’s only number two. Just fix up your apostrophes, please please. I’m begging you! Here’s how they work: if something belongs to something then it’s “something’s something”. Apostrophe! If there’s more than one something then it’s “somethings” No apostrophe! The only time it changes is with the word “it”. If “it” owns the thing, then there’s no apostrophe! “Its legs” No Apostrophe. There’s no confusion here because you shouldn’t have multiple “Its” running around unless you’re writing a story including character so stupid that it can’t think of a better descriptor than “it”. If you are writing one of these stories, stop. Go back and kill that character before he, she or it utters the line “The Its are everywhere!”. They were going to die anyway. It’s just simple grammar, people.
3. The wet fish.
Oh, just shake hands properly. No one’s going to think you’re gay.
4. "Yoop! Yoop!"
This may sound difficult to believe, but lots of hockey players actually use this high-pitched yelp as a way of calling for the ball. I assume it's supposed to be a little bit army-battle cry, but it makes you sound like a kicked poodle.
5. Dudes who mistreat their women.
Not exactly petty, but how hard is it not to act like a fuckhead towards someone who likes you? All you've got to do is nothing! It's like laziness is actually more difficult than getting your arse off the couch and cheating on your woman.
And I'm spent. I seriously cannot think of any more things that piss me off about people. Every time I think of something, I either do it too, or I sympathise with the person who does it. I might try to finish this meme over a series of post. If I think of something new, I'll come back and you guys are gonna hear about it. Sheesh, even Flanders had more to irk him shortly before his visit to New Bedlam. I just sit here grinning moronily.