Guests'n'Guns
I wouldn't normally allow this ... but for the first time ever, I will be posting a guest blogger on my illustrious site. Let it not be said that married life has changed me, no! For once you read this guest's entry, you will applaud my marvellous blog management skillz and shower me with the cred I surely deserve.
A Brief History of the Gun* Club
*Bicep
FOUNDING
The Gun Club was founded in 2006 by Ben Roy Watts (a recipient of the inaugural Inappropriately Anglicised Name Award) who moved from Queensland/Bronco territory to South Australia in said year. After growing a 'gut' from eating hot apple pie every night in an effort to cope with a change in climate, Watts recruited his cousin Sam Neil Franzway in an effort to get rid of the 'gut syndrome' and build up their 'guns.'
EARLY YEARS
The Gun Club's first clubroom was Lee's Taekwando Supergym, then owned by Mr Lee (cue Asian stereotype: a guy called Lee with a black belt who met Chuck Norris) and run by Mrs Lee and her son Laurence Lee. Attracted by the 'super' claim in the name, Franzway's then fiancée Melanie Jane Kinsman (runner up in the Inappropriately Anglicised Name Award) joined the club in an effort to lose her own gut for their forthcoming nuptials.
Associate members recruited at this time were Daniel Kinsman (who hardly attended due to attacks of medically diagnosed laziness-extrema and post-computer syndrome) Triton-Tunis Mitchell (who was on a wholistic health kick, which conflicted with the minimum cardio, 'guns ahoy' ethos of the club) and Trent 'Stuntpegs' Murphy, who joined in an attempt to get rid of his 'girlie man' image, but left the club when he realised that he could get more girls at the extremely feminine (read: crap version of basketball) game of netball.
DEFECTION OF LEE'S TAEKWANDO SUPERGYM
Despite it's undelivered promise of 'super', the gym was attended by Gun Club members until a coup was staged by J the knob/personal trainer. This resulted in the Lee family handing over the keys to the gym, the taking down of the Chuck Norris photo, and a price hike that had the old faithful regulars taking a walk out the doors. J the knob/personal trainer was famous not only for being a knob, but having extremely bad hair and being a sleazy perv (the only woman he did not perv on was Mrs Lee, even Mel looking sweaty and disgusting got a look in, as she wasn't fat or over sixty). J the knob/personal trainer spent a lot of time 'supervising' the fitness program of two blondettes).
ADELAIDE UNIVERSITY SPORTS HUB
A new phase in the club's history began when M Kinsman and Franzway joined the Adelaide University Sports Hub, a newly equipped gym that was cheaper and ironically better. Watts held out for a few weeks but realised price and equipment could not be matched. M Kinsman was once again the only female in the gym at first, but Watts and Franzway were ecstatic that the gym's community was largely comprised of young males conforming to the Gun Club ethos: Fuck cardio! Who cares if you've got a pot belly? At least you'll have guns to go with it! A weights room full of vain, sweaty male students staring at each other was considered not homoerotic but manly and homogenously masculine (see Franzway, Sam's Homoerotic Musings on The Fast and the Furious, 2005). Despite M Kinsman's determination not to build on her 'guns' and simply to exercise, she remains a member of the hub and the ladies rep of the club.
CURRENT MEMBERSHIP
President: Ben 'Roy' Watts (Cousin of Sam Franzway, cousin-in-law of M Kinsman, housemate of D kinsman)
Vice-President: Sam Neil Franzway (cousin of Watts, husband of M Kinsman, brother-in-law of D Kinsman)
Ladies Rep: Melanie Jane Kinsman (wife of Franzway, cousin-in-law of Watts, sister of D Kinsman)
Hon. Member: Mr Chuck Norris (lead 'actor' in a movie with Bruce Lee, but lead only cause he's white)
Recently AWOL private members:
Triton: Straight as an arrow. Just like Chuck.
Trent. Ladies Girlie-Man. He wants a hug.
Dan. EAT THE PAIN!
