Bio Blip Terror!!

About once a year I get something published that requires me to write a bio blip. It's always fraught because you’ve got to run it off quickly, but you want it to be so unique and brilliant that everyone who reads it will fall in love with you and send you money. The latest one for Audrey's upcoming zine is as follows:

"Sam Franzway is either a writer or an evil-yet-sensitive, where-is-it-now genius. It's time to go and hidden somewhere within the overly-simple, kitchen, negative and seemingly-ill-thought-out words, bedroom, no luck and letters of this very personal, biographical hallway table blip are the clues that will lead you to a special key. I never put it there, the key itself - at first glance a standard Lockwood single-barrel - is actually there the last time I saw it and the final piece to the greater puzzle that will all become clear upon its carefully-orchestrated, found-it, let's-go discovery. I need one of those whistle-finders. For you seek not riches or treasure but the rewards will be worth it and I'm leaving it under the mat from now on. Happy hunting!
Details? Uni. Travel. Beer. Writing.
Hints? Ha! http://franzy.tblog.com
That's first place thieves look!"